why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
