Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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