Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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