The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize