Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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