He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
