When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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