Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You ruined the universe
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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