She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
