He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
