I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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