remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
