His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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