Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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