There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
