it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
