Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
