normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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