i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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