Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
