what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
