look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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