I think I died a long time ago.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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