Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
