well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
