Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
