I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
