This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
