The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
