mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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