smell my finger.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
