i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
