Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
