if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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