it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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