She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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