Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
