Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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