his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
