Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
