ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Me too!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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