I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He better not be in your backpack
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
