the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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