Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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