I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
