My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
