STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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