soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
