Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
