I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
