i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
