I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
