i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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