Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
