it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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