so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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