I wanna bring you to show and tell
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
