i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
