We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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