I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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