it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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