The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
