sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
