I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize