Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
