It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
