this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I deserve this hangover.
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