Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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