That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
