Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
