The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
