My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
