if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
